Excerpt from the SSS: Sartosa Grog-Swillers @ Bad Moonz

 

Match 2:

The Grog-Swillers Visit the Bad Moonz at Split-Grin Stadium

Written by Armando Blackquill

Avast mateys! This week, our group of loveable boneheads made their way to Split-Grin Stadium in order to face the Bad Moonz, one of the flashiest teams around. It was destined to be a real melee of a match, with both teams having some heavy hitters on their line up: with none of the Ogres (or for that matter, the Gnoblars) worse for wear after their bout against the Nurgle team Papa Pow (although even the relatively unhygienic Ogres had to have a shower to get the stench off them after that match), there was a lot of hope amongst the Sartosa die-hards that the Grog-Swillers would bounce back after their loss.

Bad Moonz: Analysis

The Bad Moonz are a relatively new team, much like the Grog-Swillers, but it's clear that they have gone all-out in kitting their players. There are rumours that their owners have a veritable horde of teefs (as the Orc like to call their currency), and it really does show in terms of the flashy, yellow armour that their wear to the pitch. The team is as yet untested, not having played any matches within the DBL so far, so it's difficult to tell which ones amongst their lineup will be a rising star. Still, with no less than four Big Uns blockers (and, let me tell you, appropriately named so), and four blitzers, they have strength even to even push our Ogres around. 

Match Analysis

Thankfully, this time we were able to find a pictographer, so our readers will be able to see some of the crucial moments of the match, rather than just reading about them!

Coach Coachem, knowing that this was gonna be a tough, drawn-out match, decided to put the Grog-Swillers through their paces, with some extra training just before the match. Hopefully this extra edge will help our players to get things done rather than stand around dazed like a certain player last match.

First Half

The outcome of the pitch invasion

With the Bad Moonz winning the toss and electing to receive the ball first, the players lined up and the referee blew the whistle to start the match. As the ball flew through the air, a minor squabble that had been brewing up within the stands finally spilled out into the pitch, as goblin, orcs, humans, ogres and even some adventurous gnoblars flooded the pitch. With wanton violence, several members of both teams were targetted, with one gnoblar and three of the orcs lying down, dazed, once order was finally regained. The reputation of Split-Grin Stadium as a rowdy, violence-hungry pit was certainly sustained today.
With the kick not going very deep, it was relatively easy for the single goblin on the Bad Moonz team to pick up the ball, while the middle basically turned into a melee, as Ogres and Orcs punched each other in turn, with a sort of stale-mate occurring. As Styx drew back to protect the ball, Bootem, the runt punter, attempted to kick the gnoblar Comere towards the goblin, but a misaligned kick hit the gnoblar squarely on the head, sending him flying into the ground head-first, leaving a trail of blood as the small greenskin skidded to a stop. Although somehow still alive, Comere was quickly brought to the infirmary.

Although this was the first injury of the day, the melee in the middle of the pitch was slowly going the way of the Grog-Swillers, with Europa receiving a sickening tackle from Smashem, forcing him to be carted off the pitch with a severe injury. Once the orcs were done, the gnoblars were also quick to gang up and get the boot in, although most of the foul did nothing more than stun the orcs, and the referee seemed blind to the spot of cheating going on.

In an attempt to force the goblin ball-carrier into action, several of the gnoblars were launched to the opponent's end of the field, although most of them landed short. One was able to reach the goblin, but a quick blitz by one of the orc blitzers quickly put an end to that attempt. 

The Bad Moonz, meanwhile, were targeting the gnoblar players any chance they got, but although the diminutive runts were going down, most of them only seemed to be temporarily dazed, something that happened throughout the match. Those brave gnoblar players were truly blessed by Nuffle today.

The Bad Moonz score!

Styx finally moved up the field, taking one of the sidelines that had been cleared of Ogres, with most of the latter tied up in a melee on the other side of the patch. A few brave gnoblars attempted to blitz the bigger goblins, but to no avail, only managing to push Styx around. With the Ogres out of position, it was clear that the Grog-Swillers were not in a position to stop the Orcs from scoring, and thus instead decided to just keep bashing the Bad Moonz players next to them.

With the end-zone in sight, the ball was transferred to the Orc Blitzer Umbriel, who then ran in for the touch down relatively easily. With the orcs one nil up and very little time left, the Grog-Swillers set up to attempt a quick touch-down, but a perfect coffin-corner kick dashed those hopes, and instead the Ogres opted to do what they do best: bash the hell out of their opponent, although to little effect. Soon, the whistle that signalled the end of the first half was sounded.

By the end of the half, a couple of orcs had been knocked out (with one returning), with only a single Gnoblar knocked out in return.

Second Half

With the Grog-Swillers now receiving the ball, Coach Coachem had to decide between getting a quick score and the defend and hopefully get the ball back for a potential win, or play for a draw. Although potentially more risky, Coachem opted for the former, especially considering the advantage that the Ogres had in strength. Any win during the group stages would be important, so to simply aim for a draw would make it difficult to make the play-offs in the long run.

The drive started well for the Grog-Swillers, with a bone-crunching block from Smashem (again!) taking Mimas by surprise: the Big Un had to be carted off the field, unable to play for the remainder of the match. The gnoblars, meanwhile, retrieved the ball and set up a loose cage in the middle of the pitch, hoping that next turn they would be thrown to the other end of the field in order to get a quick score. 

The Bad Moonz, however, had other ideas, and after spotting a weakness in the gnoblar screen, they dodged into the cage, with the titchy players being unable to do much to stop them. The ball came loose, and after a couple of bounces, ended up in a position relatively close to the Ogres. Gitoutawai, the ball carrier in question, was almost immobile after receiving the block from Oberon, with injuries serious enough to probably force him to miss the next game as well! 

Indastands, another gnoblar player, had to also be carried out of the field after attempting to dodge away from an orc player, unable to avoid the grasping hands that reached out to him. The violent nature of the bout was finally taking its toll on the gnoblar contingent.

With orcs on all sides, the gnoblar Kikemlow picked up the ball and was quickly thrown by an Ogre towards the Bad Moonz's end zone, landing safely. One of the Orc blitzers was quick on his feet, however, and Kikemlow was sent flying, the ball bouncing out of his grasp, although fortunately the gnoblar was none worse for it. Quickly standing back up, Kikemlow dodged away from the blitzer, picked up the ball and sprinted for the end zone, scoring one for the Grog-Swillers, their first touch down of the league! 

Bad Moonz being pressured on the sideline.

With more than a quarter of regulation time left, the Bad Moonz set up to receive the ball. They had, by this point lost two players to injuries and one knocked out, while the Grog-Swiller bench could still field eleven players. As the ball was kicked, the same old melee developed in the middle, but Styx the goblin was unable to pick up the ball, and a veritable swarm of gnoblars was launched or kicked towards the ball in an attempt to pick it up. 

Managing to evade the  gnoblars, Styx finally picked up the ball and started moving to the sidelines, attempting to force their way through the line of gnoblars and ogres, but to little avail. A pair of gnoblars even attempted to blitz the goblin, although ended up being unsuccessful. The Bad Moonz, with not enough players to screen the Ogres properly, were being boxed in, and that a break-through on that side of the pitch was not going to be possible. With their only hope being to switch sides, Styx broke out of the encroaching gang of ogres and gnoblars, but tripped, colliding against one of his fellow Orc players and knocking himself out senseless. 

A glimmer of hope materialised. One gnoblar was launched towards the scattered ball, although the landing was less than stellar. Grindem blitzed an encroaching orc, knocking him out, and moved next to the ball, while one of the gnoblars quickly dipped in and out of the orc lines and picked up the ball.

Seeing the possibility of a touch down, and with the end of the game approaching fast, the Bad Moonz sent everyone they could towards Grindem, in order to prevent him from picking up the Gnoblar. Grindem attempted to avoid the pressure, but the big lumbering Ogre was easily tackled by the Orc players, dashing the chances of the Grog-Swillers to score. With not enough time to pick up the ball and score, the Bad Moonz attempted to punish the gnoblars, but to little effect, the game ending on a 1-1 draw.

Post-Match Analysis

This ended up being more of a brawl than a match! Although in the end the score was a draw, it was clear that the Bad Moonz had seen the worse of it, as some of their key players were seriously injured during the match and would likely miss their next scheduled fixture. On the other hand, the only injuries sustained by the Grog-Swillers had been a couple of gnoblars, and honestly, there are plenty more to spare. Overall, both teams had a good showing, with the Grog-Swillers always coming away with a victory, so they performance was a certain improvement from their match against Papa Pow.