Excerpt from the SSS: S'Elf Flagellation @ Sartosa Grog-Swillers

7th Match:

S'Elf Flagellation Face The Meat-Grinder at Landlubbers Stadium

Written by Armando Blackquill

Avast mateys! Things are looking up for the Grog-Swillers as they finally manage to get their first win against in the DBL, and although a lot of that win was due to Karla Von Kill, it's still clear that getting into the second half of the league with at least one win under their belt will do wonders for the morale of the Grog-Swillers. Hopefully this can be turned into a winning streak and even potentially give the Grog-Swillers a chance to make the playoffs (although, to be honest, this seems like a remote possibility).

The Grog-Swillers had had some training in the coming weeks, with Grindem learning how to brawl properly in the line of scrimmage, while Coach Coachem has been firiing some of the more useless Gnoblars and replacing them with fresh ones. A couple of them learnt some good defensive maneuvers, but it's unclear if this is going to help in the upcoming game against S'Elf Flagellation, a wood elf team that has had some struggles of their own in the DBL so far.

S'Elf Flagellation: Analysis

S'Elf Flagellation hail from the Avin' A Laugh Arn'choo Forest, which also hosts the Flogged Donkey stadium that is their home. rumours abound that the black leotards that they sport also double up as funeral attire, which seems fitting considering their current record and the number of casualties that they have suffered so far. The team motto from their mascot, Mob Barley, is "No re-rolls, no cry", although I think this must be some arcane elf reference since I can't make heads or tails of it. Much like the Grog-Swillers, their current record within the DBL has been less than stellar, with three losses so far against Papa Pow, Upside Down Shadows and Gnaw-wich Skitty. 

They come to the match with several injuries, including a missing thrower and catcher, and will likely need to hire 3 journeyman to come up to the regulation 11 players. Fortunately, they still have their full complement of wardancers, with They Who Have AV10+ being a nimble fellow that can side step most blocks that come his way.

Match Analysis

The weather was perfect at Landlubbers Stadium once again, and remained largely so until the very end of the second half, where blinding sunshine would make it hard to pass the ball. 

S'Elf Flagellation came to the pitch with some extra cheerleaders, but they didn't seem to do much against the largely hostile crowd at Landlubbers Stadium.

First Half

And the game is off!

S'Elf Flagellation won the toss but elected to kick the ball first, hoping to weather the storm of punches and boots in the first half and thus take control of the second half. The kick was extremely high, and that allowed one of the plucky Gnoblars to go directly underneath the ball and catch it before it even landed! The Ogre set about their grim business in earnest, and it wasn't long before one of the journeyman linelves on the line of slaughter was knocked out. The rest of the elf team backed off from the line, not wanting to be in the way of a swinging fist from the Grog-Swillers, and the Ogres set about to protect their gnoblars while marching down the field, proceeding slowly and almost taking the entire half just to get near the end zone. About half way through the first half, S'Elf finally came into contact in order to attempt to force the cage, but this proved to be a mistake, as the bone-crunching blocks from the Ogres sent the elves to the casualty bin, which were quickly joined by a swift kick by Indastands, who fouled one of the elves that had remained on the ground uninjured. 

The cage advances and lots of elves leave the pitch!

With four of their players down and out, the elves quickly vacated the end zone, leaving a clear path for the Ogres, although they did swarm Grindem, bringing him down. The Ogre wasn't about to go down easily, though, standing back up and injuring one of the journeyman elves. The elves rushed the Ogres again, and started kicking him once he was down, injuring the Ogre, who only recuperated thanks to the medications (and copious drugs) of the team apocathory. The Gnoblar finally scored near the end of the first half, and the elves set up with not much time left in the half to do much, apart from trying to punch a couple of Gnoblars. With the whistle sounding, the Grog-Swillers were up 1-0 at the end of the first half, and quite a few of the Elves injured, it was clear that the Ogres were on the driving seat.

Second Half

Gougem tries to follow the elves!

The second half started with a weird situation, where the Grog-Swillers tried to blitz the elves before the whistle had sounded, with one of the Gnoblars even snatching the ball and managing to score a touchdown! After some deliberation of the referees, however, the touchdown was called back since the whistle hadn't technically sounded, voiding the score. With the half starting again, Bootem was somehow spotted with a knife that he had forgotten to hand after the half-time feast, but fortunately the Ogre was too dumb to even remember that he had it throughout the half. The elves caught the ball and stepped back, with a core of two wardancers, a catcher and a linelf protecting the ball, while the remaining two elves were knocked out by the ogres, leaving only 4 elves on the pitch. With the Ogres setting up a screen, Gougem, flanked by a couple of Gnoblars, was the only one that tried to catch the elves, but they were too quick for him, and his blitzes did not do much. A gnoblar was launched at the elves, but instead of smacking against any of them, they hit Gougem instead, sending both of them to the ground. The elves took this opportunity to advance, and were quickly set upon by all the Gnoblars and Ogres, but the one Ogre that could have blitzed the elf catcher stood around instead, and the elves were able to slip away. With the remaining Ogres standing around dazed and confused, the elves were able to slip away, despite their reduced numbers, and scored a touchdown near the end of the second half, equalizing the score. An attempt was made by the Grog-Swillers to score with the little time there was left, but it was for naught as the ball slipped out of the hands of the Gnoblars when they attempted to hand it off. 

Post-Match Analysis

Even with a low number of players remaining, elves are always a threat. Once again, the Ogre's propensity for standing around and doing nothing, dazed and confused, was their downfall, but at least the score was kept to 1-1, and the Grog-Swillers should be happy to walk away with a draw, especially considering the ability of Wood Elf team to run up the score!