Excerpt from the SSS: Papa Pow @ Sartosa Grog-Swillers

Start of the Season:

Papa Pow Face The Grog-Swillers at Landlubbers Stadium (Sponsored By Captain Mogren)

Written by Armando Blackquill

Avast mateys and welcome to the first of many fixtures within the Sartosa Sports Sage, where we will be charting the journey of our home-town ne'er-do-wells, the Sartosa Grog-Swillers, as they go through the troubled waters of the Dragon Bowl League. Having been drafted within the Exiles Conference, as well befits their piratey-nature, their first fixture was poised to be against Papa Pow, a team full of nurgle worshippers, with a want for blood and mayhem only matched by the incredible, fetid odour that their team (and fans!) produce.

Papa Pow: Analysis

With a name inspired by their dear father, Papa Pow hail from a swamp near the chaos wastelands of the north, and their fame (and stink) follows them where-ever they go. The players themselves have a fishy nature to them, although all come with a variety of bizarre mutations to boot! With their nauseating aroma and foul appearance, this was going to be a tough matchup for our lads in teal, with many of our players simply being unwilling to even approach them: having smelled their fans, this is understandable. The fleshy morbidity of these nurgle worshippers would also make it difficult for our mateys to knock them down and out, and their aura of putrefaction would also make it more difficult to thrown our Gnoblars hopefuls to where they are needed. Overall, Papa Pow definitely had the advantage in this match up, at least on paper.

Match Analysis

First, my dear mateys, I must apologise for the lack of pictographs in this article: our resident pictographer was a bit too drunk and a bit too excited to take any pictures of the match, but we assure you that we will remind him to do it next time (EDITOR'S NOTE: FIRE THE IDIOT!!). The weather was perfect for Blood Bowl, and the fans were eager for a bone-crunching bout.

Coach Coachem, noticing the distinct lack of spare gnoblars in the dugout, decided to send Gougem into the stands to round a few more up, and soon five "eager recruits" were found and forced into the dugout, with most of them, along with Yudere, one of the regular Gnoblar players, soon herded into the pitch. Papa Pow won the toss and elected to receive. 

First Half

Setting up for the first half, the Grog-Swillers packed the line of slaughter, and the players of Papa Pow obliged, marking the two outside Ogres. One of the Nurgle Bloaters with a frankly unpronounceable name was the first to make a move, immediately smashing into Smashem, who landed on his head. The stands erupted into both boos and cheers, but fortunately the team apothecary of the Grog-Swillers, Mendem Gud, pumped Smashem full of painkillers and the ogre was back on his feet, although out of the drive for now.

The rest of the Grog-Swillers line was knocked down, although they were no worse for wear, and Papa Pow picked up the ball and started to form a cage. 

Wanting to strike back, Grindem set up to charge one of the foul Bloaters protecting the pestigor holding the ball, but the sheer stink of what could now only loosely be described as a human prevented him from even approaching. The rest of the ogres mostly stood up and did little to help, while the Gnoblars infiltrated and approached the cage. Bootem, the runt punter of the team, found one unwilling Gnoblar and kicked him towards the mass of nurgle worshippers, but the aim was a tad off and he was booted to the stands, knocking him out for the time being.

The match turned into a skirmish as Papa Pow slowly trundled up the field, advancing inch by inch as the Grog-Swillers attempted to stabilise the situation. One bloater was finally isolated and a veritable swarm of Gnoblars descended on him: although the bloater was only stunned, the referee was quick to spot the so-called "illegal action" and sent off the offending rookie. Coachem thundered towards the referee to argue the call, but got distracted midway and thundered right through a stand, leaving the stadium and failing to return for the reminder of the match.

It seemed difficult for the Grog-Swillers to do much to the Papa Pow players, as the ogre were isolated and kept away from the ball-handler, with only the tiny Gnoblars being able to approach at all. One small ray of sunshine was, however, when Gougem Hyes crunched down one of the Nurgle Rotters, a man once known as Rotterdamer, causing the player a lasting injury (or, to be honest, as lasting as anything can be on a nurgle player).

There was no stopping Papa Pow, however, but the Grog-Swillers gave it their whole, sending wave after wave of Gnoblars towards the pestigor with the ball. Again, Gougem was the star, managing to get past the stench of a Bloater enough to crunch them as well, removing one its arms: it's clear that Gougem will be one of the rising stars of the team! The Bloater, however, didn't seem to be phased, as the unholy diseases that festered his body regrew the missing appendage!

With the end of the half approaching, Jurgle Bicephalic finally reached the end zone, scoring one for Papa Pow! With scant time left to mount an offensive (and with Smashem finally back in the field) the Grog-Swillers attempted to throw one of their gnoblars with the ball, but Chugem slipped on a putrid puddle of filth, causing a turn over and dooming the chances for a quick score.

Second Half

With the Grog-Swillers now receiving the ball, the ogres packed the line of slaughter, wanting to smash the bloaters in front of them, although only to middling effect. With the ball easily retrieved, Gnoblars and Ogres formed a rough cage in the middle of the pitch, but Papa Pow was willing to go for a slow, grinding game, and the miasma emanating from the bloaters made any sort of passing (or throwing-of-team-mates) game difficult. With the nurgle worshippers penetrating easily, the Grog-Swillers attempting to knock down one of the Bloaters and then swarmed him with more Gnoblars, only for the referee to once again spot the foul by Yudere, sending him off the pitch.

With the cage collapsing, the Grog-Swillers moved to the side attempting to leave the bloaters behind, but it was only a loose cage and a pestigor, Jurgle Bicephalic of previous touch-down fame, managed to blitz the gnoblar holding the ball, causing it to bounce around a mass of both Grog-Swillers and Papa Pow players.

The game quickly degenerated into a gruesome melee, with the ball almost being an afterthought as bloaters and ogres repeatedly smashed into each other. The melee seemed to go the way of the Nurgle team, as Lord McClaw knocked out Smashem for the duration of the match. It was at this moment that the stench and chaotic nature of the brawl confused Grindem enough that he pretty much stood in the middle of the pitch not doing much of anything, beyond errantly picking his nose at opportune moments, ignoring the calls from both his team-mates and the fans out in the stands. 

With the end of the match fast approaching, the brawl continued: the shambling nurgle players unable to reach the end zone in time, and the Grog-Swillers having only a single chance to pass the ball to one of their gnoblars: unfortunately, the pass was inaccurate and the end of the match was signalled. Alas, the Grog-Swillers would lose by 0 to 1.

Post-Match Analysis

This was always going to be a tough match for the Grog-Swillers, and the tough, grinding nature of the bout ultimately was in the advantage of Papa Pow. Overall though, the Grog-Swillers showed guts, HUGE GUTS, and with the MVP being given to up-coming star Gougem, things will hopefully look up for the team! I hope you will join next week as we analysis the next game of our little Ogre team that could!