Excerpt from the SSS: Sartosa Grog-Swillers @ Skolcrushers

10th Match:

The Grog-Swillers Butt Heads Against the Skolcrushers at Upper Sand Bank Stadium

Written by Jack Penleg

Ahoy mateys! We finally reach the end of the season, with the Grog-Swillers facing the Skolcrushers in lustrious Lustria. It is clear that the team has faced a difficult season but they have gone up by leaps and bounds in the latter half of the season, holding their own against a whole host of formidable teams during the run up to post-season. Grog-Swillers are more or less confirmed to be in the Piewhistle trophy rather than the main tournament run-off, but it is clear that they have built a cadre of formidable Ogres along the way. 

Bootem has been a dependable leader on the field, Beatem, the most recent replacement, has managed to learn how to block multiple opponents at once, Grindem is a dependable front-line brawler who can break free in a pinch, Chugem is a formidable defensive player that can easily guard his team-mates, and our star player Gougem is able to perform blocks like no other Ogre! A formidable team they are indeed! 

Skolcrushers: Analysis

Rather than hailing from Norsca like most other Norse teams, the Skolcrushers hail from Skeggi, one of the few Norscan settlements in Lustria, founded by the legendary sailor Losteriksson. Their stadium is Upper Sand Bank Stadium (US Bank for short), and their notable players are their quarterback Lagertha Longbomb, their star wide receiver Sif the Swift and the defensive end Halvar Hammerhead. Lagertha and Sif are to be feared, as they are capable blockers but also able to dodge out of the way, and are keen ball-hounds that will swiftly relieve ball-carriers of their possession if they are not careful. Also to be feared is their star Ulfwerener, Bjorn.

The Skolcrusher's season has been rather mixed, with 3 wins and 5 losses. After a strong start against Upside Down Shadows and Gnaw-Wich Skitty, their fortunes reversed after the bout against the Bad Moonz, only winning a single game after that, against S'Elf Flagellation. Still, they are a team to fear with a mighty roster, and thus the Grog-Swillers will need to be careful when facing them.

Match Analysis

Weather at US Bank Stadium was perfect throughout, as befits Lustria, and thankfully not too warm either. The Grog-Swillers were able to recruit the help of Karla von Kill again for this match, as well as bringing in a few more kegs of Blood-weiser from Sartosa (although the Norse had plenty of beer of their own), along with the team mascot. 

First Half

The gnoblars swarm Revna while Karla holds the ball.
Skolcrushers won the toss but decided to defer. Coach Coachem wasn't exactly sure what "defer" meant until the coach of the Skolcrushers explained to him that it just meant that the Grog-Swillers would receive the ball first, to which Coach Coachem simply replied "Why you not say that in first place!". The Grog-Swillers set up in their usual formation, and Karla picked up the ball and proceeded down the field to the protective cage of the Ogres. Although many blocks were made by both sides, the results were not more than a stun, until a couple of the Norse players were caught on the side of the field, but not before Halvar managed a sickening crunch on one of the Gnoblars, sending Piddnime to the casualty bin. Halvar, with the help of Ogres and Gnoblars alike, was pushed out of field, where he was beset by the fans, although not too roughly treated. The other Norse player, Revna, an accomplished tackler, was brought down by Bootem and then beset by a swarm of Gnoblars, that proceeded to kick him in what they liked to call "dagroin", sending him to the casualty bin as well.

Even though the Norse were losing players, this didn't stop them from attempting to remove the ball from Karla, and Sif managed to penetrate through and strip the ball from the ball-carrier. The ball bounced around but was eventually retaken by a Gnoblar in the Grog-Swillers. With numbers advantage, the Grog-Swillers returned to their grim business, sending Yngvi, a lineman, to be tendered by the apocatheries, and the Grog-Swillers attempted to advance, screening their players as best they could. This was however not enough, and Lagertha stripped the ball from the Gnoblar after deftly dodging through the screen, sending the ball flying. Sif was able to pick it up on the other side of the line and away she went, with the Grog-Swillers unable to catch up or send down the swift player, who quickly scored a touchdown!

With little time remaining in the half, the Grog-Swillers kept grinding down the Skolcrushers, this time sending Bjorn to the casualty bin, although they received some licks of their own. Grindem was brought down by Frosty, the Yethee, and then Ivar took the opportunity to stick the boot in, severely injuring the Ogre, who was out for the rest of the match with a broken leg. The Grog-Swillers attempted to throw one of their gnoblars down, but were unable to throw the little blighter, and the half was over.

Second Half

The second half started off slightly weird, as although the Norse were receiving, the kick ended up near the line of slaughter, and some brilliant coaching by Coachem allowed the Grog-Swillers to flood that side of the pitch. Halvar almost caught the ball, but it bounced near the line and from then on, it was difficult for the Skolcrushers to start their offensive, as the Grog-Swillers fought their way clear and managed to secure the ball. Hvitserk, on the line of slaughter, was sent back to the dugout by Chugem with a bone-breaking tackle, but the Norse had too many players knocked out to be able to mount a defense, and eventually Stopsquirmin was able to score a touchdown and equalize the game.

The next drive was almost a repeat of the first, but this time Sif was able to secure the ball, and after a scuffle in midfield in which Gougem managed to hurt one of the beer boars from the Skolcrushers that had wandered on the field, Sif was able to break through the Grog-Swiller lines, and make a dash for the sideline. However, she was swarmed by an Ogre player and various Gnoblars, and was unable to dodge out of the way: the end of the game came soon afterwards, leaving the score a draw!

Post-Match Analysis

Gougem was made MVP on the side of the Grog-Swillers, and well deserved. With a season total of 2 MVPs, 8 casualties and even 1 touchdown, Gougem really showed what he was capable of, and is a true Pro! Coach Coachem has led the Grog-Swillers to a career-high 2 wins, 3 draws and 5 losses, and for this they should be comended!

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